Trenell Darby first came into my life through the Salisz family. Mark Salisz and Tre became best friends while attending college in Milwaukee and the first time Tre came home with Mark the Salisz family fell in love and immediately adopted him as their own.
Tre sent me this beautiful e-mail last New Year’s Eve and has given me permission to share.
I can’t help but to sit and reflect on how the year 2013 was brought in a year ago and how much has changed since then. I so wish every year could be brought in the way we did it then. Last year, during our awesome conversation we had with everyone at the Salisz’s cabin on New Year’s Day, we both candidly shared our New Year’s resolutions that I know we both continually think about to this day. Mine being to be not so judgmental and yours being to not try to change people. Although, I’m sure neither of us have perfected these resolutions, what I know to be true is that working on them is a much better place to be than not and I know I’m all for the better and in a much happier place because of it. These are probably not New Year’s resolution but new life resolutions.
I feel compelled to share this year’s new life resolution with you because I believe you have so closely embodied it since your diagnosis.
New life resolution: To allow myself to be vulnerable, to be my authentic self and to be willing to show up and let myself be seen.
At Eric’s wedding this year, I briefly shared with you that I was reading a book by Dr. Brene Brown entitled “Daring Greatly”. In her book, she discusses how our vulnerability is our pathway to our courage, and that without vulnerability you cannot exhibit courage. Many people view vulnerability as weakness and actively try to hide or run from it in effort to avoid being seen as weak. However, what is true is that when people show up and be seen through their vulnerability, people view that as courage. Dr. Brown states that vulnerability is not weakness, but actually our most accurate way to measure courage and that the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.
I know every reader of your blog is in awe of your vulnerability and courageousness. You are courageous because of your vulnerability not in spite of it. Courage is my value and although vulnerability is not always comfortable and easy-going, I know that I will have been aligned with my values by showing up and letting myself be seen as opposed to rejecting it. Even if defeated, I can still hold my head up high knowing that I let myself be seen and dared greatly.
President Theodore Roosevelt inspires the book’s title from one of his speeches where he states:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
I will end with another quote from Dr. Brene Brown:
“When we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make. Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don’t exist in the human experience. We must walk into the arena, whatever it may be — a new relationship, an important meeting, our creative process, or a difficult family conversation — with courage and the willingness to engage. Rather than sitting on the sidelines and hurling judgment and advice, we must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen. This is vulnerability. This is daring greatly.”
Thank you Rosemary for being such a great example of daring greatly through both your blog and your life. I hope you have the best New Year ever!
I love you,
Trenell R. Darby, BSN, RN, CMSRN